Uh-huh

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My entire life I have been looking for love in all the wrong places. I have just about done anything and everything to just feel love from somone, anyone.

Oh look it's this shit again.
I'm not trying to find the same shit over and over, too. This is literally the first blog I clicked on again.
The only conclusion I can come to is that there is a sentient AI within the internet planting all of these blogs to fuck with me specifically.
Either that or people really are that similar and douchey.

I have used my body, my natural sweetness, my money, my time, my faith, my sexual skills...just anything I had, and when I didn't have it I would create it somehow.

Great. Mind if I multitask while you try to justify yourself to yourself?
I'd be the worst shrink ever, holy shit. YEAH YOUR PROBLEMS ARE SHIT BUT MEANWHILE I'M HAVING A HELL OF A TIME WITH MY GAMEBOY, HERE.

I looked for love in boys as a teen, men as an adult and even women.

Woo what a sexual dynamo she i-- holy shit, sorry. Huge yawn.

I married a man that in the beginning gave me love, who made me feel special and who I thought would protect me. However, he didn't do anything of those things shortly after we were married and so I began committing a adultrey to find it.

Super cool story.

Chris, Tom, Jesse, Kern....

Yep, yep-- wait, Kern? Is that a name?
Kern. Sounds like a truck driver.
Oh fuck I just clicked on my other tab (which happened to be school work) and I was assaulted by different, yet similar douchebaggery. It's an assault on all sides!
Holy shit. Emerson on my left, "Kat's Life" on my right.

I struggle so hard, I fight myself and my thoughts and I fail misrabley at it. I am not good at this being Christian thing. I love Jesus, I really really do and I WANT to please him.

Wow that was an unexpected turn.
I don't know what I mean by "unexpected" because quite frankly 90% of all blogs end with something like that, but given the build up-- I don't know.

I want to honor him, I want to be a Godly Woman but it just seems like no matter how hard I try, I still end up failing in my attempts. I just don't know what to do anymore, mistake after mistake. Making more mistakes even now and I haven't even dealt with the consequences of the previous mistake fully yet.

Of course this runs contrary to the Christian message, which teaches that all have fallen short of the glory of God. That's kind of where the whole "accepting Jesus and repenting" bit comes in. Special emphasis on "repent" in this case, which at its root means to "turn away". Effectively "turning away" from your sins. The assumption is that you won't stop sinning, because Christfags have that so figured out you basically can't be human and not sin (literally, you've sinned the second you're born simply by the virtue that you popped out of your mother's vag).

I just don't know how to become who God wants me to be when I have damaged myself so badly. Will God still accept such a damaged heart? Will God forgive me for damaging my own heart?

Yeah all that shit I just said.
Holy shit how is it I know more about Christfagging than you and I don't even believe in this bullshit?

The sun rises and the sun sets, the wind blows, and the seasons change and I awake and I return to sleep. Its just the motions of this life, this empty life with Kern.

But I thought Kern was THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE.

R and I were talking this morning and I realized that Kern gave me everything I have ever wanted out of a man. HE filled and met every need I had, he naturally just met my needs. His love for me even if it was fake, was real to me it MEANT something to me.

Me me me me me~

I have gone through the last six months feeling so empty, so alone, so sad. I feel like I will never be able to love again, I will never be able to trust again. Kern has changed me as a peson from the inside out, he has made me loose all hope and trust in so many things.

I accidentally loosed once. Hurts the bowels.

When Kern left, he took with him so much of myself. He broke my ability to believe in so many things such as unconditional love. It makes me sad not because he couldn't love me uncondtionally as he said he did, but that it was because of him I had begun to truly exprience God's unconditional love.

>I can't believe in unconditional love
>I believe in unconditional love
You really have no idea what you're writing, do you?

It just seems like all I ever have are words, lots of words that get written into the world of cyberspace, they go out and just get lost.

Yeah it sure does seem that way. Imagine my luck. All this vast desert that is the internet and I had to find the one patch that was concealing the dog turd of a blog that is "Kat's Life". What can I say?

Sometimes when the pain seems so deep. When it feels like it will never ever go away.

These are not fucking sentences but okay, I'll go with it. You are very clearly mentally deranged, so I'm cutting you some slack on your rather dubious grasp of how English works.

Sometimes the loss of something so important, so vital to your hapiness and living comes crashing down on you like a Tsnamui.

Like a tsnamui.

For the first time in all the weeks I've been getting sonograms....I saw only my precious child, my beautiful perfect son who was sent to me by God.

Wait shut up a good song just came on.
Fuck yes, that piano followed by that guitar riff.
Roger Hodgson, you are the motherfucker.
That's what I'd say right now if I were reviewing his blog instead of this.

Have you ever cut so deeply you needed 28 stiches but not even that pain seems to come close to the pain you feel inside everyday every moment you breathe?

No but I did step on a roofing nail once. That hurt a lot.

I don't ever cuss and I don't ever hate but I am going to today... KERN DAVID KIMBLETON IS THE MOST HORRIBLE MAN ON THIS PLANET!!!!!!!
I hate him, I simply hate him with every fiber of my being. I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM!!!!!
That man has hurt me more deeply then any other man in my life, he hurt me more then than my rapist!

Sorry you're spilling your guts out or whatever and I'm fixing your grammar. I know there's more wrong with this than that one part but that one part was bothering me especially. What are you on about, woman?

I am going to keep on going as I am and face the pain of loosing Kern each day.

Christ I thought he was an asshole.
You know what your problem is?
You're stone cold, batsqueak nuts.
You're so nuts I wish Barbara Stanwyck was still alive just so she could slap some sense into you. (obscure reference)
In fact, you're so nuts I'm left with only one thing to say to you:

Hmm.

Today I've found some kind of something, I don't know. I think she might be what they call an "Otherkin". Basically, you have furries, who pretend they're animals, right, and then you have Otherkin, which is the same shit only they think they're elves or fairies or other such like fantasy creatures that I frequently slaughter with reckless abandon in the vidya.
Purge the unclean~

*cries quietly*

I used to attend a program before I moved. Most of you know this.

Yes, most of us do keep regular tabs on your life.
Ugh, whatever.
Waste of my fucking time with posts counting down the new year, knock that off--

My Christmas was the best for the simple fact that I was also with family. Even if I was a little hurt by the whole conversation thing, I, like mama, simply love it when we're all just together, talking, laughing and being a family.

A little hurt? Impending bottomsore post.
Ah ha, I sure can call it. Next post: "ignored and alone"
awww poor baby :(

I don't even know why I bother trying to say things when unfamiliar company is around. Even the familiar people just cut me off and ignore me completely to talk to the new people.

Oh sorry I totally got sidetracked. Were you saying something?
Which would you rather: someone cut you off, or just get totally ignored?

They may not think it bothers me, but it does. I hate it. It just makes me feel like the little blind girl trying to play at a big girl's game.

Err, what? Usually when you go for the simile it's a common thing everyone understands (kind of the point, expressing something unfamiliar through familiar terms) but since not many people know exactly what "a big girl's game" is or how a "little blind girl" would do at said game, you kind of lose your audience.
... This is probably why people don't listen to you, come to think of it.

I really shouldn't let it bother me, I know. But I can't help it.

Yeah, actually, you can help it.
You can stop being such a goddamn dork and assert yourself.

Okay, somebody please kill me now. No, I'm serious. Take something and smack me over the head with it. *spikes fingers through hair* Shit. I am

Spikes fingers through hair? Is that necessary, honestly?

such an idiot. Hell, I'm thinking of closing out my facebook completely. I wrote some really hurtful stuff up there while angry and my mom saw it.

Hurr I'm a durr

What, the fuck, Samara. Go kill your fucking self.

Yes, do.

You know something? I don't even know why I lit on that particular thing. (I ranted about setting $50 aside each month to go not into my savings account but another account altogether that's joint moderated so to speak by me and my mom.) It's different and a bit uncomfortable just because it's new, but hell!

Err-- okay--

Even I can see it's a good idea! *shakes head* Why did I light on that particular topic? Maybe because it was there. And now look at me. She'll never wanna
recommend anything for fear of my retribution and no matter what happens, that'll always be in her mind. I'm gonna go drown myself now.

Did I miss something? What's the fucking problem, exactly?

Okay, I was sick. Nearly all over the bathroom floor. Thank God for toilets. My stomach is roiling with my self-loathing and disgust. I cannot believe I wrote that stuff! When I'm angry, I always do that! Always say things I know I don't believe! And then it gets back to that person and it ends up hurting them!

Goddamn I think I see why people ignore you.

I just want to bury myself alive or drown myself or purposefully get hit by a car or do something equally reckless that'll rid the world of my gangreen-like presence.

Oh yeah, great, get everyone else involved in your suicide. Self-important twat.
Also it's "gangrene" you illiterate. I know Livejournal has a spell check, there's no fucking excuse for that.

It's real. What daughter hurts their loving, gentle, helpful mother for no reason? Yes, you on the right.

You do?

Ding ding ding ding! Yes! 2 million bucks to the man on the riiiiiiiiiight!

I do, dammit!

How am I ever going to face her? Gramma says I should call her because she's really, really hurt.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I READING?

*drops head into hands* God, somebody please kill me.

• Emotion of the Moment::ashamed, worthless, vile, dead
• Name That Tune::Tourniquet by Evanescence

Great.
Now here's a story she wrote. It's fanfiction about The Lord of the Rings, which contains this rather perplexing gem:

Story Rating: NC17
Chapter Rating: PG13
Worksafe?: Yes

So the entire story is NC17 (a rating reserved for porn, which is what this is) but for this particular chapter it's okay to read if you're 13.
Also it's work-safe, which is good because everyone knows when you're reading porn at a glance.
Also that's what The Lord of the Rings (The Hobbit, the prequel to said saga, is actually a story intended for children) contained a lot of: pornography.
One might argue (which is just a soft way of saying "you missed the fucking point") The Lord of the Rings was written as a historical account and didn't contain a lot in the way of character development, so your fixation on the characters is pretty fucking dumb.

*squawks around ecstatically* I diiiiiiid iiiiiiiiiit! I know how to work with the bloody software now! Oh, blessed be my previous teacher! I just followed what he did in the other site as well as read the manual and didn't allow myself to get infuriated and blow it all off! Go me! Look? I'm already more mellow and I haven't even moved yet!

What-- no, no, forget it.
Oh she's trying to figure out PHP. Whatever, cunt.

*sings* It's my birthday and I'll be stupid if I want to, stupid if I want to, stupid if I want toooooooooooo...

Wheeeeeeeeee! Me 23 now! Now my life over. I all old now.

*giggles*

Me just kiddin!

I has to be silly because I can.

I just skipped through about 40 entries because I couldn't bring myself to reading any of her bullshit. My eyes were unfocused the entire time. I think I almost slipped into a coma.
I guess I'm going to go grind my Scizor up to level 100.